A Beautiful Prison

I'm having a much better time here than I did yesterday. Coming to terms with the fact of this month was kind of hard. But I made it through realizing I have to stay strong and committed to what I believe in. I have to stay optimistic and happy. I have a boyfriend back home who loves me, a beautiful ocean view to wake up to, and lots of fishies to see.


Edit note for last entry: I said I saw a Manta Ray, but I saw two Feathertail Stingrays in shallow water by the villas.


Today I went on another scuba diving experience. But this time I actually jumped off a boat. Well, we were only a couple hundred meters away from the island. I had some trouble with my goggles: water kept on seeping in. Ugh...wish I brought over the one that I bought. And I don't think I was equalizing too well today. Nothing hurt. Just feels a bit weird.


I was always so scared of getting too close to the reef and corrals. Didn't want to damage anything. Sometimes I feel like I got a hang of it and could control myself and direction. Other times I was just out of control or didn't understand why I'm not going the way I wanted to. The most annoying bit was when I start to float when I didn't want to. Especially when my head is dipping.


Thankfully the instructor, Jeon (he's Korean), was leading most of the time so he always had a hand on me. He's the one that regulates the amount of air in my suit. And somehow, him tugging and pulling at me lightly seems to make me float the right way without much effort. But whenever he lets go I felt myself go haywire.


Several times under the water I realized that I can't really afford to freak out. Freaking out would only make things worse. I mean, you can only do so much down there. Doing anything associated with freaking out will only endanger myself. I can't suddenly just decide to pop up. Flailing around like an idiot wouldn't do any good. And holding my breath, which surprisingly is a natural instinct under water, will only make me die.


So I figure just go with the flow and think like a pot smoker. Slooooow and steady. Problems? Just point casually. Hyperventilating will only shorten your life.


Then I learned the art of one hand control. I can descend and ascend quite easily waving my hand a certain way. Also works side to side. This technique works until I find myself in one of those random moments I feel out of control and wanted to flail around. I tried very hard not to look like an idiot so I just move my hand really quickly to try and go a certain direction (usually away from the corrals because I was getting very close).


But other than that, it was BEAUTIFUL!!!


I can't even begin to explain how beautiful and amazing it is down there. So many fishies and corrals. I saw two sea turtles, like literally arm length away feeding by the reef. Saw an eel poking its head out of a hole. Schools of fish. Actually swam through a school of fish. The fish look at me kinda weird. Like they're looking down on me. Discriminating against me or something. They come pretty close though.


Then! There was a school of Spotted Eagle Ray. Five of them actually. Two came pretty close. So close I could see their eyes. Kinda looked like a cat's eyes with slits and all. They swam pretty fast. Looked more like gliding really past fast.


I found Nemo! And Gill. The anemone was really cool. It looked like lots of puffed up balloons about to pop at the end. Saw some big fish out in the open ocean. I was literally at the drop off. Well, kind of. It's just at the edge of a really steep part.


And guess what? I bought a one-use underwater camera.....and forgot to bring it down with me! I'm sooooo stupid!!! When we saw the turtle Jeon motioned taking a pic and I realized my biggest mistake. :(((((


No worries! I'm going down again tomorrow. :) Just because I forgot my camera today.


After that I went to get another massage. I feel more relaxed today. My mind was less all over the place. I was able to just stay in the moment and absorb every motion. It was good. Tomorrow, my final spa day, I'm getting a full on three hour treatment. Scrub, massage, and facial. What a life... :)


After the massage I went for a yoga session with my mom and brother. The instructor is an Indian guy. He is a very nice and kind man. Surprisingly has a sweet face. He's probably smaller than me though. A bit shorter, and probably even skinnier. Which makes him a very small man.


It was very relaxing. He focuses on our posture, breathing, and stretching. Sometimes his accent makes me want to laugh though. You get used to it after a while. The sound of the waves really helped. Oh yeah, we did it outdoors.


We were talking to him when we were walking back, and he feels kind of out of place working here because of how different it is from his hometown. Where he comes from might not be a big city according to modern standard, but it sure as hell is big compared to this circular island.


"Everywhere you look there is water...It's a prison: a beautiful prison."


And you never really think of this coming here. You come for vacation and it's paradise. You wish you can stay here forever. Going home is something you dread. Yet the workers here are trapped. There is only so much you can do in a day here without it being a repetitious chore. You see the same thing, smell the same thing, feel the same thing every single day. Okay, maybe people come and go. But the guests don't really provide any comfort or company and they only call when they need service.


And people are stuck here literally. Even the guests! I mean, think about it. You're on an island in the middle of nowhere. If for some reason transportation fails, say a really bad storm hit, you're basically the main cast of Castaway. Except there aren't any source of water except for rain water. No, coconut trees don't really naturally grow here either. They're mostly planted. I have not seen one coconut since I got here.


A paradise in which without the fragile human engineer would fail to support life. A place in which people are ecstatic to experience mother nature's best forgetting her worse, blinded by aesthetic values and foolish chemistry.


So yes, I'm in a beautiful prison.